#5 - Phone Numbers and Eggs
#5 Phone Numbers and Eggs
Think back. Reminisce to those days back in junior high school. The parties in the school gym. The hip-hop parties where the DJ spun the dirty versions of songs and the teachers were oblivious to it. Ahhh, the good ole days. For most teenage boys, there was only one mission. One prime objective: Get as many phone numbers as you could by the end of the night. You had the boys like my one friend, let’s call him Money, who would walk out of that bitch with about 5-6 numbers. All the ladies wanted him. It didn’t matter if they had JUST SEEN him just get a phone number from another girl. They were willing and ready to slide him their phone number. He’ll he’s still got it like that into adulthood. The hoes are probably the same too. Some things never change…Then you got me. See, unlike Money, I would “survey the land” before laying claim to choice. I didn’t care about going in and getting every girl’s phone number. I found a female that I was really attracted too, and made it my goal to get that ONE girls phone number before they DJ played “Forever My Lady” by Jodeci.
Most of the time, I left empty handed. On the occasion when I did get one, it turned out to be a fake phone number. The old saying goes, “don’t put all your eggs in one basket”. But what’s the point of bringing home a basket of 5 rotten eggs? Shit, I’d rather have an empty basket. You know? I guess that’s still my philosophy to this day…I’ve been told that my prison on loneliness is self-inflicted. They if I would just stop being SO damn picky, I would find companionship. That I should play the odds. I might end up with 5 rotten eggs or 4 bad ones and 1 good one. Or the really fucked up scenario of 3 bad eggs and 2 good ones. LOL. That’s another blog for another day…People say as long as one of those eggs turned out to be worth my time, then all that effort would be well worth it. Fuck, I don’t know. Rotten eggs smell pretty bad. I avoid contact with them. Some of these women out here have attitudes just as funky as rotten eggs. They make me want to vomit.
Eventually, I adjusted my approach. Learned how to be patient. How to converse with women and make them feel comfortable enough to give me their phone numbers. Occasionally, I still get the fake number. That pisses me off. Really women. If you’re just not interested in me, let’s cut the bullshit and stop wasting each others time. Women think they are softening the blow of rejection by giving you a fake phone number. I believe women get sadistic pleasure from it. What ever happened to LYING. Tell me you have a boyfriend. A husband. That you’re a fuckin lesbian. ANYTHING. Why waste an hour of each other’s time just to give me a fake phone number. Is it easier on a woman’s conscious? - “Oh, I let him down easy. I didn’t just flat out reject him”. - Please. You’re not doing me any fuckin favors. Trust me, I am constantly reading the woman’s body language. I can tell when someone is genuinely not interested in me. If I catch even a hint of dishonesty on her part, I will make a quick exit. That being said, I’m left puzzled as fuck the next day when I call the woman and find out I’ve been hoodwinked. It’s disappointing.
But that isn’t what hurts the most. No. Actually getting the REAL phone number and then the bitch acts like it isn’t her. THAT’s what hurts. I’ve been having that experience lately. I’ll be thinking that I’m hitting it off great with some chick. I’m thinking we are mutually digging each other. We exchange information. Then when I call, I get her voicemail. It’ll have the chicks name and everything. “You have reached such-n-such bitch. Please leave a message and I will return your call at my earliest convenience. Have a blessed day.” Blessed day my ass… So, of course I leave a message. Then wait for a return call that never comes. I got a rule. I’ll only call twice. After a second message with no reply, it is obvious what the deal is. I’m left feeling like a jackass because some woman that I though I clicked with, doesn’t want to holla back. If you didn’t want to talk, why in the hell did you even give me your REAL number? It makes no sense. If a woman out there has an explanation. Please, enlighten me…
Wasted time. Therein lies the problem. I put in all this effort into the conversation. See, Money never had to converse with these women. At least, not on any intellectual level that progressed beyond bullshit small-talk. He didn’t need to hold a conversation with meaning because they chose HIM. Women choose men. Contrary to popular believe, that is the bottom line. I’ll definitely blog more in-depth on this in the future so you understand my philosophy. See, for all you women that say that men need to be the aggressor and go after a woman. That a man should continue to chase even when she is playing hard to get. That the man should always be the one to ask the woman out on a date. All that bullshit is done to simply boost your egos. It makes you feel important. When in actuality, women know if they are going to give you the time of day from the first moment they see you. Like Chris Rock says, a woman knows she is going to fuck you the moment she shakes your hand. She’s saying to herself, “I’m gonna fuck him. I hope he doesn’t say anything to fuck it up”. I firmly and honestly believe that is the case. Money never had to choose these females because they chose him. Sure, he had to make the PHYSICAL approach. But mentally, they already had chose him. All he had to do is NOT fuck it up. On the rare occasion when a female didn’t dig him, I now understand that no amount a charm or sweet-talk was going to change her mind. Nothing he could do would have got him the number. So where does that leave me?
I guess then my quandary is how to get women to want me from the moment they see me. Without knowing one damn detail about me. See, when you put things into perspective, it all comes full circle. I feel most women are superficial, materialistic, shallow bitches. Even though society tries to give that label to men. And it’s their impulsiveness that gets them into trouble with men who physically and mentally abuse them. Men who are losers. Women don’t think before acting. They see the initial presentation and make all future decisions based on that impression. That first impression may or may not be the REAL guy. But it doesn’t fuckin matter. Even if he changes for the worse, they keep this mental portrait of the first image that infatuated them. Women will do whatever ever it takes to convince themselves that they jerk is really a “good guy”. He just needs someone to believe in him. Pure bullshit. In my opinion, that rationale is the equivalent of blind wagering. Sure, there is a slight chance that you’ll get a winner. But without truly knowing a guy, chances are your going to go bankrupt.
Sure, men can lie. The whole conversation could be a lie. This is an opportunity for women to hone their skills at detecting a phony from a contender. You women really need training in that area. Stevie Wonder could see that some of these men that you waste your time and tears on, ain’t shit. Too many fake men are getting real chances. Too many real men are getting fake numbers. This shit has got to reverse. As more men AND women get better at spotting the fakes, that will increase the chances for all of us looking for love. If you ladies discover he is a phony, slide him that fake phone number. If he is a contender. If he is truly coming correct and seems like a decent guy, then stop the bullshit. Take a chance and you might find love. You might find me.
Think back. Reminisce to those days back in junior high school. The parties in the school gym. The hip-hop parties where the DJ spun the dirty versions of songs and the teachers were oblivious to it. Ahhh, the good ole days. For most teenage boys, there was only one mission. One prime objective: Get as many phone numbers as you could by the end of the night. You had the boys like my one friend, let’s call him Money, who would walk out of that bitch with about 5-6 numbers. All the ladies wanted him. It didn’t matter if they had JUST SEEN him just get a phone number from another girl. They were willing and ready to slide him their phone number. He’ll he’s still got it like that into adulthood. The hoes are probably the same too. Some things never change…Then you got me. See, unlike Money, I would “survey the land” before laying claim to choice. I didn’t care about going in and getting every girl’s phone number. I found a female that I was really attracted too, and made it my goal to get that ONE girls phone number before they DJ played “Forever My Lady” by Jodeci.
Most of the time, I left empty handed. On the occasion when I did get one, it turned out to be a fake phone number. The old saying goes, “don’t put all your eggs in one basket”. But what’s the point of bringing home a basket of 5 rotten eggs? Shit, I’d rather have an empty basket. You know? I guess that’s still my philosophy to this day…I’ve been told that my prison on loneliness is self-inflicted. They if I would just stop being SO damn picky, I would find companionship. That I should play the odds. I might end up with 5 rotten eggs or 4 bad ones and 1 good one. Or the really fucked up scenario of 3 bad eggs and 2 good ones. LOL. That’s another blog for another day…People say as long as one of those eggs turned out to be worth my time, then all that effort would be well worth it. Fuck, I don’t know. Rotten eggs smell pretty bad. I avoid contact with them. Some of these women out here have attitudes just as funky as rotten eggs. They make me want to vomit.
Eventually, I adjusted my approach. Learned how to be patient. How to converse with women and make them feel comfortable enough to give me their phone numbers. Occasionally, I still get the fake number. That pisses me off. Really women. If you’re just not interested in me, let’s cut the bullshit and stop wasting each others time. Women think they are softening the blow of rejection by giving you a fake phone number. I believe women get sadistic pleasure from it. What ever happened to LYING. Tell me you have a boyfriend. A husband. That you’re a fuckin lesbian. ANYTHING. Why waste an hour of each other’s time just to give me a fake phone number. Is it easier on a woman’s conscious? - “Oh, I let him down easy. I didn’t just flat out reject him”. - Please. You’re not doing me any fuckin favors. Trust me, I am constantly reading the woman’s body language. I can tell when someone is genuinely not interested in me. If I catch even a hint of dishonesty on her part, I will make a quick exit. That being said, I’m left puzzled as fuck the next day when I call the woman and find out I’ve been hoodwinked. It’s disappointing.
But that isn’t what hurts the most. No. Actually getting the REAL phone number and then the bitch acts like it isn’t her. THAT’s what hurts. I’ve been having that experience lately. I’ll be thinking that I’m hitting it off great with some chick. I’m thinking we are mutually digging each other. We exchange information. Then when I call, I get her voicemail. It’ll have the chicks name and everything. “You have reached such-n-such bitch. Please leave a message and I will return your call at my earliest convenience. Have a blessed day.” Blessed day my ass… So, of course I leave a message. Then wait for a return call that never comes. I got a rule. I’ll only call twice. After a second message with no reply, it is obvious what the deal is. I’m left feeling like a jackass because some woman that I though I clicked with, doesn’t want to holla back. If you didn’t want to talk, why in the hell did you even give me your REAL number? It makes no sense. If a woman out there has an explanation. Please, enlighten me…
Wasted time. Therein lies the problem. I put in all this effort into the conversation. See, Money never had to converse with these women. At least, not on any intellectual level that progressed beyond bullshit small-talk. He didn’t need to hold a conversation with meaning because they chose HIM. Women choose men. Contrary to popular believe, that is the bottom line. I’ll definitely blog more in-depth on this in the future so you understand my philosophy. See, for all you women that say that men need to be the aggressor and go after a woman. That a man should continue to chase even when she is playing hard to get. That the man should always be the one to ask the woman out on a date. All that bullshit is done to simply boost your egos. It makes you feel important. When in actuality, women know if they are going to give you the time of day from the first moment they see you. Like Chris Rock says, a woman knows she is going to fuck you the moment she shakes your hand. She’s saying to herself, “I’m gonna fuck him. I hope he doesn’t say anything to fuck it up”. I firmly and honestly believe that is the case. Money never had to choose these females because they chose him. Sure, he had to make the PHYSICAL approach. But mentally, they already had chose him. All he had to do is NOT fuck it up. On the rare occasion when a female didn’t dig him, I now understand that no amount a charm or sweet-talk was going to change her mind. Nothing he could do would have got him the number. So where does that leave me?
I guess then my quandary is how to get women to want me from the moment they see me. Without knowing one damn detail about me. See, when you put things into perspective, it all comes full circle. I feel most women are superficial, materialistic, shallow bitches. Even though society tries to give that label to men. And it’s their impulsiveness that gets them into trouble with men who physically and mentally abuse them. Men who are losers. Women don’t think before acting. They see the initial presentation and make all future decisions based on that impression. That first impression may or may not be the REAL guy. But it doesn’t fuckin matter. Even if he changes for the worse, they keep this mental portrait of the first image that infatuated them. Women will do whatever ever it takes to convince themselves that they jerk is really a “good guy”. He just needs someone to believe in him. Pure bullshit. In my opinion, that rationale is the equivalent of blind wagering. Sure, there is a slight chance that you’ll get a winner. But without truly knowing a guy, chances are your going to go bankrupt.
Sure, men can lie. The whole conversation could be a lie. This is an opportunity for women to hone their skills at detecting a phony from a contender. You women really need training in that area. Stevie Wonder could see that some of these men that you waste your time and tears on, ain’t shit. Too many fake men are getting real chances. Too many real men are getting fake numbers. This shit has got to reverse. As more men AND women get better at spotting the fakes, that will increase the chances for all of us looking for love. If you ladies discover he is a phony, slide him that fake phone number. If he is a contender. If he is truly coming correct and seems like a decent guy, then stop the bullshit. Take a chance and you might find love. You might find me.
posted by Raven Vexation at 12:13 PM
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
<< Home