#10 Computer Love
#10 Computer Love
Shooby doo bop shoo doo bop I wanna love you. Shooby doo bop computer love.
Wise words spoken by Zapp & Roger Troutman back in the day. With all the bad luck I was having finding a good woman through conventional methods. I did what any intelligent person would do. I looked for other options. I tried the dating chat-lines. What a fuckin’ waste of time that was. Then I heard about internet dating. I decided to use my computer to expand my chances of meeting a good woman. Personal ads, email, and instant messenger; I tried them all. See, this was back in the day. Some six years ago. Before the almighty Myspace. I figured why not give it a shot, you know?
Internet dating become that shining beacon of light in this sea of darkness called loneliness. The computer provided a medium for me to meet women and introduce myself without all of the pressure of a face to face encounter. In my adolescence & early twenties, I was shy. I had issues approaching women because I feared rejection. But I grew out of that. It wasn’t my nerves; it was my lack of charm. I didn’t (and still don’t) have that smooth approach. I couldn’t get the time of day to save my life. I guess as TLC said on CrazySexyCool, ‘It depends on how you kick your game”. I never fuckin understood that logic. What happened to a guy just being a gentleman? Approaching a woman, giving her a genuine complement, and moving forward with the conversation. Why does he have to be charming? I’ve always equated charmers with liars. Just tell the bitch anything she wants to hear to make her smile and you got it made. True, I agree you need to “come with something more clever than what’s your name?” More clever, huh Chilli. What the fuck am I supposed to say? Some lame ass pick up line? I seemed to have lost my phone number, can I have yours? Umm ok. SURE.
Internet dating proved to be a viable means for me to meet women. For the first time in my life I was actually having meaningful conversations. They would originate online, but progress to telephone and eventually in person. Even today, internet dating seems to be my most successful means of scoring dates. I guess in all these years I haven’t learned to “Kick My Game”. One positive thing about internet dating is that it vastly expands your search area. You can meet woman on the other side of the earth if you choose too. Personally, anyone who lives more than 2 or 3 hours away is pretty much out of range. Even a 2 hour distance from that person can be a strain on a relationship. It’s definitely a long distance love affair. But for the right woman, I would put in the effort without any hesitation. Good love is hard to find. If I find it 3 hours away, so be it. If I’m not able to relocate, then I’ll be one driving summbitch.
One woman in particular had that effect on me. “Dancing Queen”. I was so digging this woman. I don’t believe that it is possible to fall in love with someone over a computer without meeting them. But I was mighty fucking close to just that. We had very similar interests. She liked the old school 80s cartoons. I’m talking about being able to give plot summaries and character synopsis. We could really chop it up about Transformers and Voltron. She was into science fiction and a movie buff. I thought I hit the jackpot. She liked the same nerdy shit I did. The one difference that we had was that she was an avid dancer, and I don’t dance. I’m talking about grabbing her girls, going to the club and cutting up the dance floor like Sydney and Sharane in House Party. That difference was insignificant to me. That could be her release, and I wouldn’t even complain about her occasionally clubbing. On top off all that, the girl was absolutely beautiful. Everything that I like in a woman: Long, natural hair. Pretty face. Smiled a lot. Great body. A down to earth personality. The Kicker: A born again virgin. –OOOH HELL YEAH!!
That’s right, y’all. After getting dicked over (literally and figuratively) by her ex, she made a vow to hold on to her virginity until she met a guy that was truly worthy. While I grapple with the logic in the “born again virgin” concept, I admired her resolve. I was smitten. A woman this beautiful, who wasn’t giving it up to any losers? I had to meet her. Eventually we did. On several occasions, I made the trip. But, I was in no financial situation to relocate. Yet, I dug her so much that I was willing to make the long distance work. Unfortunately, she wasn’t. With any relationship, both parties must be willing to put in the work. At first she used the excuse of not being over her ex-boyfriend. So I gave her space. Then her excuse was the distance. Two hours seemed like nothing to me, but to her it was too far. Sure, we wouldn’t see each other every day of the week. However, every weekend was totally achievable. We both had vehicles. I didn’t see a problem. Yet after several futile attempts, even one where I poured my heart out too her, I tapped out. I eased up on my pursuit. I’d chill in the “friend zone”. Take a wait and see approach. You can only take so much rejection.
We kept in touch over the years, mostly online, with the occasional phone call. Dancing Queen started to date new men, as I also resumed dating. She’d tell me about how the men she was meeting weren’t shit. I’d drop subtle hints that if she was with me, she wouldn’t have that problem. She was a little depressed that her life wasn’t going in the direction that she wanted. She thought by 25 that she would be married, be starting a family, and have finished her degree. But none of those dreams were becoming a reality. Yet incredibly, during her depression, none of those losers got in her pants. Or so she said. I believed her, though. I never had any reason not too. So, for two good years she held on to that vow of virginity. She held on until she couldn’t take the urge anymore. She decided that at 25 if she hadn’t found the right guy that she was going to “get hers”. I was totally disgusted by the idea. I know a woman has sexual needs, but damn. I felt like some undeserving bastard is going to be in the right place, at the right time, and get to have sex with dime like Dancing Queen without putting in any of the effort. Some jackass that probably has 3 or 4 hoes already. Part of me felt like “If you want to give it up so bad, give it to me!! I’ve been hanging on a string for years. Shooby doo bop. Shoo doo bop. I wanna love you!! And you won’t let me love you!!”.
We’ll eventually that lucky guy came along. The day she told me, I wanted to vomit on my keyboard. I was so hurt. So disappointed in her. The guy turned out not to be a one night stand, but a steady boyfriend. One that I was told was a “good guy”. Was that an attempt to win my approval? Eh, I got no fuckin’ comfort in that. You had a “good guy” in front of you and you were just too blind to see it. So Dancing Queen and the lucky bastard lived happily ever after, right? Fuck no, come on now. Of course the story takes a turn for the worse. After several months of relationship and steady screwing, guess who’s going to be a mommy? Dancing Queen always said she wanted to be a mother by the age of 25. Her wish was granted. I’ve always wondered, was this child planned or an unfortunate mistake? I really can’t say. Dancing Queen was searching for some meaning in her life, and this child provided her that meaning she so desperately sought. Was it a case of just accepting the cards that were dealt? Thinking of it as a blessing from God? OR was it a case of pure ignorance to conceive a baby with this guy being merely a sperm donor. Just a baby daddy that provided her child with the genetic stock that she wanted. You all know chickenheads like that. They want certain men to father their babies so that they have “good features”. I truly hope that this was not the case. Questions constantly run through my mind. Did she let him go raw dog? Did the condom break? How the fuck did she end up pregnant?
Dancing Queen carried the baby to term and gave birth to a healthy child. As of right now, she has no plans to marry the guy. The dude will be there for support, but for whatever reason, cannot commit marriage to her. How foul is that? No doubt he has some lame excuse about not wanted to be tied down. Not being ready, etc. He wants that freedom to date other women. If Dancing Queen would’ve only subscribed to my rule of not sleeping with anyone that you cant see being the parent of your child. Now she’s a single mother. Still no degree. Still no family. Just a Fuckin Baby Mama. And doing so, hammered the last nail in the coffin of hope I had of ever having a relationship with her. That hurt. Because I’ll be damned if I try to start a relationship with her now. Not five years later. I’m not taking care of another man’s seed. Some of you will say, that I don’t have to anyway. That the father will provide. That may be true, but as I said before: when you choose to date a woman with kids, you have to be willing to accept all of her. Baggage included. And I can’t accept that child. I could not let myself become attached to that child. To me, that child represents fall from grace of a beautiful woman. Who knows what would’ve happened if she actually made that leap of faith to be with me. I might be a husband and a father today. She has to live with that regret of passing up on a good thing. Yeah, she has her child and that’s all that I know that’s all that matters to her. She’s happy to be a mom and all the joy it brings. But like so many other women, she never reached her full potential. She settled for less than what she deserved. Just another case of single parenthood in the black community. When we will ever learn.
Shooby doo bop shoo doo bop I wanna love you. Shooby doo bop computer love.
Wise words spoken by Zapp & Roger Troutman back in the day. With all the bad luck I was having finding a good woman through conventional methods. I did what any intelligent person would do. I looked for other options. I tried the dating chat-lines. What a fuckin’ waste of time that was. Then I heard about internet dating. I decided to use my computer to expand my chances of meeting a good woman. Personal ads, email, and instant messenger; I tried them all. See, this was back in the day. Some six years ago. Before the almighty Myspace. I figured why not give it a shot, you know?
Internet dating become that shining beacon of light in this sea of darkness called loneliness. The computer provided a medium for me to meet women and introduce myself without all of the pressure of a face to face encounter. In my adolescence & early twenties, I was shy. I had issues approaching women because I feared rejection. But I grew out of that. It wasn’t my nerves; it was my lack of charm. I didn’t (and still don’t) have that smooth approach. I couldn’t get the time of day to save my life. I guess as TLC said on CrazySexyCool, ‘It depends on how you kick your game”. I never fuckin understood that logic. What happened to a guy just being a gentleman? Approaching a woman, giving her a genuine complement, and moving forward with the conversation. Why does he have to be charming? I’ve always equated charmers with liars. Just tell the bitch anything she wants to hear to make her smile and you got it made. True, I agree you need to “come with something more clever than what’s your name?” More clever, huh Chilli. What the fuck am I supposed to say? Some lame ass pick up line? I seemed to have lost my phone number, can I have yours? Umm ok. SURE.
Internet dating proved to be a viable means for me to meet women. For the first time in my life I was actually having meaningful conversations. They would originate online, but progress to telephone and eventually in person. Even today, internet dating seems to be my most successful means of scoring dates. I guess in all these years I haven’t learned to “Kick My Game”. One positive thing about internet dating is that it vastly expands your search area. You can meet woman on the other side of the earth if you choose too. Personally, anyone who lives more than 2 or 3 hours away is pretty much out of range. Even a 2 hour distance from that person can be a strain on a relationship. It’s definitely a long distance love affair. But for the right woman, I would put in the effort without any hesitation. Good love is hard to find. If I find it 3 hours away, so be it. If I’m not able to relocate, then I’ll be one driving summbitch.
One woman in particular had that effect on me. “Dancing Queen”. I was so digging this woman. I don’t believe that it is possible to fall in love with someone over a computer without meeting them. But I was mighty fucking close to just that. We had very similar interests. She liked the old school 80s cartoons. I’m talking about being able to give plot summaries and character synopsis. We could really chop it up about Transformers and Voltron. She was into science fiction and a movie buff. I thought I hit the jackpot. She liked the same nerdy shit I did. The one difference that we had was that she was an avid dancer, and I don’t dance. I’m talking about grabbing her girls, going to the club and cutting up the dance floor like Sydney and Sharane in House Party. That difference was insignificant to me. That could be her release, and I wouldn’t even complain about her occasionally clubbing. On top off all that, the girl was absolutely beautiful. Everything that I like in a woman: Long, natural hair. Pretty face. Smiled a lot. Great body. A down to earth personality. The Kicker: A born again virgin. –OOOH HELL YEAH!!
That’s right, y’all. After getting dicked over (literally and figuratively) by her ex, she made a vow to hold on to her virginity until she met a guy that was truly worthy. While I grapple with the logic in the “born again virgin” concept, I admired her resolve. I was smitten. A woman this beautiful, who wasn’t giving it up to any losers? I had to meet her. Eventually we did. On several occasions, I made the trip. But, I was in no financial situation to relocate. Yet, I dug her so much that I was willing to make the long distance work. Unfortunately, she wasn’t. With any relationship, both parties must be willing to put in the work. At first she used the excuse of not being over her ex-boyfriend. So I gave her space. Then her excuse was the distance. Two hours seemed like nothing to me, but to her it was too far. Sure, we wouldn’t see each other every day of the week. However, every weekend was totally achievable. We both had vehicles. I didn’t see a problem. Yet after several futile attempts, even one where I poured my heart out too her, I tapped out. I eased up on my pursuit. I’d chill in the “friend zone”. Take a wait and see approach. You can only take so much rejection.
We kept in touch over the years, mostly online, with the occasional phone call. Dancing Queen started to date new men, as I also resumed dating. She’d tell me about how the men she was meeting weren’t shit. I’d drop subtle hints that if she was with me, she wouldn’t have that problem. She was a little depressed that her life wasn’t going in the direction that she wanted. She thought by 25 that she would be married, be starting a family, and have finished her degree. But none of those dreams were becoming a reality. Yet incredibly, during her depression, none of those losers got in her pants. Or so she said. I believed her, though. I never had any reason not too. So, for two good years she held on to that vow of virginity. She held on until she couldn’t take the urge anymore. She decided that at 25 if she hadn’t found the right guy that she was going to “get hers”. I was totally disgusted by the idea. I know a woman has sexual needs, but damn. I felt like some undeserving bastard is going to be in the right place, at the right time, and get to have sex with dime like Dancing Queen without putting in any of the effort. Some jackass that probably has 3 or 4 hoes already. Part of me felt like “If you want to give it up so bad, give it to me!! I’ve been hanging on a string for years. Shooby doo bop. Shoo doo bop. I wanna love you!! And you won’t let me love you!!”.
We’ll eventually that lucky guy came along. The day she told me, I wanted to vomit on my keyboard. I was so hurt. So disappointed in her. The guy turned out not to be a one night stand, but a steady boyfriend. One that I was told was a “good guy”. Was that an attempt to win my approval? Eh, I got no fuckin’ comfort in that. You had a “good guy” in front of you and you were just too blind to see it. So Dancing Queen and the lucky bastard lived happily ever after, right? Fuck no, come on now. Of course the story takes a turn for the worse. After several months of relationship and steady screwing, guess who’s going to be a mommy? Dancing Queen always said she wanted to be a mother by the age of 25. Her wish was granted. I’ve always wondered, was this child planned or an unfortunate mistake? I really can’t say. Dancing Queen was searching for some meaning in her life, and this child provided her that meaning she so desperately sought. Was it a case of just accepting the cards that were dealt? Thinking of it as a blessing from God? OR was it a case of pure ignorance to conceive a baby with this guy being merely a sperm donor. Just a baby daddy that provided her child with the genetic stock that she wanted. You all know chickenheads like that. They want certain men to father their babies so that they have “good features”. I truly hope that this was not the case. Questions constantly run through my mind. Did she let him go raw dog? Did the condom break? How the fuck did she end up pregnant?
Dancing Queen carried the baby to term and gave birth to a healthy child. As of right now, she has no plans to marry the guy. The dude will be there for support, but for whatever reason, cannot commit marriage to her. How foul is that? No doubt he has some lame excuse about not wanted to be tied down. Not being ready, etc. He wants that freedom to date other women. If Dancing Queen would’ve only subscribed to my rule of not sleeping with anyone that you cant see being the parent of your child. Now she’s a single mother. Still no degree. Still no family. Just a Fuckin Baby Mama. And doing so, hammered the last nail in the coffin of hope I had of ever having a relationship with her. That hurt. Because I’ll be damned if I try to start a relationship with her now. Not five years later. I’m not taking care of another man’s seed. Some of you will say, that I don’t have to anyway. That the father will provide. That may be true, but as I said before: when you choose to date a woman with kids, you have to be willing to accept all of her. Baggage included. And I can’t accept that child. I could not let myself become attached to that child. To me, that child represents fall from grace of a beautiful woman. Who knows what would’ve happened if she actually made that leap of faith to be with me. I might be a husband and a father today. She has to live with that regret of passing up on a good thing. Yeah, she has her child and that’s all that I know that’s all that matters to her. She’s happy to be a mom and all the joy it brings. But like so many other women, she never reached her full potential. She settled for less than what she deserved. Just another case of single parenthood in the black community. When we will ever learn.
posted by Raven Vexation at 3:29 AM
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