#17 Momma’s Wishes
#17 Momma’s Wishes
“Black Men walking. With white girls on their arms. I be mad at them. As if I know they moms.” –Common.
Common is a great lyricist. One of my favorite emcees. And he hit the nail on the head with that statement. For a lot of Black mothers, bringing home a white woman (or a woman of any ethnicity other than Black, for that matter) is the ultimate slap in the face. A lot of them consider it an act of disrespect. After all, a black woman birth you…raised you…but isn’t good enough for you to date or marry?
We’ll I used to think that didn’t apply to my mom. You couldn’t tell me otherwise. Nope, not my mom. She’s open minded. Tolerant of diversity and all that jazz. So long as I am happy, she’ll support whomever I choose to settle down with. Right? We’ll not exactly. The last statement I believe is true. Whomever I choose to be my wife, she will be happy for me. BUT in reality, I know she would prefer it to be a Black woman.
Me and my parents have a great relationship. I share a special relationship with my mother that most of my friends couldn’t even fathom. We joke around with each other. She’s not only mom, she’s a friend. However, when it comes to matters of my love life (or lack thereof) I’m pretty private about that. Hell, in my opinion, not every girl I date deserves to meet mom. She has to be pretty damn special for that. Yet, because I had not brought many dates to meet my family, momma became more inquisitive about my dating habits. The question would always come up, “Is she Black? Well, as all of you know from reading previous blogs, my answer has over time has increasingly changed from yes to no. With each no answer, I could tell something was bothering her. After a series of no’s, finally a yes came. My mother’s response was “Good, ‘cause those other girls weren’t the right color”. Whoa.
And there it was. Mom made it clear that she wasn’t cool with the string of non-black females. Is my mother racist? Maybe a little. We all have our prejudices. But she still shows everyone common respect. But when it comes to the woman that’s right for her son…her pride and joy…she definitely wants it to be a Black woman. I had a ton of thoughts swirling around in my head. I thought about how some white parents are judgmental when it comes to interracial dating. The thought of a Black son-in-law is unfathomable. Yet, Mom was flippin' script on me. She was coming with the same notion. It’s back to that Kryptonite, again. Is it that she doesn’t want the son that she worked so hard to raise into a responsible man…a man that knows how to treat and respect woman...to give that love to an undeserving White woman? Is it that those family values are better passed on to another Black woman so that the Black family is preserved? Fuck, I don’t know. I’ve never asked her. Too scared to. I’m afraid of the answer.
I’m so totally fucked. Considering right now my feelings toward Black women. My disgruntled attitude. The fact that I never was what they wanted anyway. The despair I have regarding finding a soulmate of ANY race. Now mom puts THIS pressure on me? Wants me to limit my pool to just Black women? The same Black women who are on some real bullshit right now? FUCK! I want to keep mom happy, but in this case, she might get disappointed. Me disappointing my mother is a rare occurrence. I’m not one for optimism, though. Realism steers this ship. It just doesn’t seem like the Black woman of my dreams is going to just waltz on into my life.
Sorry mom. I love you.
“Black Men walking. With white girls on their arms. I be mad at them. As if I know they moms.” –Common.
Common is a great lyricist. One of my favorite emcees. And he hit the nail on the head with that statement. For a lot of Black mothers, bringing home a white woman (or a woman of any ethnicity other than Black, for that matter) is the ultimate slap in the face. A lot of them consider it an act of disrespect. After all, a black woman birth you…raised you…but isn’t good enough for you to date or marry?
We’ll I used to think that didn’t apply to my mom. You couldn’t tell me otherwise. Nope, not my mom. She’s open minded. Tolerant of diversity and all that jazz. So long as I am happy, she’ll support whomever I choose to settle down with. Right? We’ll not exactly. The last statement I believe is true. Whomever I choose to be my wife, she will be happy for me. BUT in reality, I know she would prefer it to be a Black woman.
Me and my parents have a great relationship. I share a special relationship with my mother that most of my friends couldn’t even fathom. We joke around with each other. She’s not only mom, she’s a friend. However, when it comes to matters of my love life (or lack thereof) I’m pretty private about that. Hell, in my opinion, not every girl I date deserves to meet mom. She has to be pretty damn special for that. Yet, because I had not brought many dates to meet my family, momma became more inquisitive about my dating habits. The question would always come up, “Is she Black? Well, as all of you know from reading previous blogs, my answer has over time has increasingly changed from yes to no. With each no answer, I could tell something was bothering her. After a series of no’s, finally a yes came. My mother’s response was “Good, ‘cause those other girls weren’t the right color”. Whoa.
And there it was. Mom made it clear that she wasn’t cool with the string of non-black females. Is my mother racist? Maybe a little. We all have our prejudices. But she still shows everyone common respect. But when it comes to the woman that’s right for her son…her pride and joy…she definitely wants it to be a Black woman. I had a ton of thoughts swirling around in my head. I thought about how some white parents are judgmental when it comes to interracial dating. The thought of a Black son-in-law is unfathomable. Yet, Mom was flippin' script on me. She was coming with the same notion. It’s back to that Kryptonite, again. Is it that she doesn’t want the son that she worked so hard to raise into a responsible man…a man that knows how to treat and respect woman...to give that love to an undeserving White woman? Is it that those family values are better passed on to another Black woman so that the Black family is preserved? Fuck, I don’t know. I’ve never asked her. Too scared to. I’m afraid of the answer.
I’m so totally fucked. Considering right now my feelings toward Black women. My disgruntled attitude. The fact that I never was what they wanted anyway. The despair I have regarding finding a soulmate of ANY race. Now mom puts THIS pressure on me? Wants me to limit my pool to just Black women? The same Black women who are on some real bullshit right now? FUCK! I want to keep mom happy, but in this case, she might get disappointed. Me disappointing my mother is a rare occurrence. I’m not one for optimism, though. Realism steers this ship. It just doesn’t seem like the Black woman of my dreams is going to just waltz on into my life.
Sorry mom. I love you.
posted by Raven Vexation at 10:34 PM
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